For those who know me on a personal level for at least the past five years might have started to notice the change I am projecting recently. Even if they are unable to pinpoint what/where is the 'change'. They are aware of the slight difference. I will explain why I’m presuming this. Bear with me, it will get interesting in a bit.
Yet first I need to clarify the previous point made, this is not meek change. I like to think of it as Growth in a very early stage which I happen to be proud of, and I have absolutely no interest in wasting any more time in meeting anyone’s incapability of taming their insecurity demons. No more dimming my light, get used to wearing your sunglasses.
I’m sure by now you would have guessed that today’s blog is about a specific group which I will humbly provide them with the following designation: my 'always their go-to but never my-go to' acquaintances. Please know that I have no intention in attacking anyone, so if any of you is facing any sort of discomfort feeling for what they are about to read, I suggest to sign out of this blog while you have the chance. Except I know you too damn well, you are going to read this and act as if you didn’t.
Alrighty, here we go.
Have you ever noticed how when you are over someone’s inflicted pain or that your days no longer revolves around their bitter existence, they happen to sense it? As if they are equipped with a Radar detection that alerts them with a message 'One of your victims is fully healed. Redo the damage'. Do not get me wrong, I’m all into turning the page and starting a new chapter. I really am; however, this is kind of a onetime ticket offer for each individual. If I ever offered you this privilege but couldn't help yourself from exhibiting a noncivilized behaviour towards me and have beyond measures aced in misusing it. Please resist the urge to text me saying that you miss me or whatever feeling I used to bestow upon you. Because here is the truth… I missed you, friend. Mind the past tense that I am using in 'I missed you!'
You are missing me now, while I missed you then. You are texting me now, while I texted you then. You are showing up now, and we both know you did not show up then. I gave you time and space you never asked for. Your actions implied that I am too much which is completely fine because I can take a hint; hence, I abandoned ship.
In about a year or so, I have stopped missing you. Your smile ceased to invade my vision whenever I put on that gorgeous silver butterfly ring you once placed on my doorstep. Your name is wiped from the back of my head and discontinued to appear every time I pour my Lipton chai latte chocolate flavour into the pink cup you gifted me in one of my birthdays. My heart no longer clutches whenever your name pops up in my notification centre.
I need you to know that I have no grudges of whatsoever toward the decisions you have made, and I’m glad you texted. Tell you the truth, I am quite satisfied. Your text proved the trueness of a quote I have once read by J. Strelou “Those who break your heart will always try to come back… just wait”. Except I never waited for any of you, in fact, I have mourned you all. I have made peace with the fact that you are inadequate of giving back support, and I know the real reason behind your text. Allow me to clear the picture for you. Your perception seems a bit clouded by your overlapped ego.
You are giving yourself the right to believe that you have a claim over the attention I used to offer, and it is bugging you that I’m using my time more efficiently. You have made a cliché mistake of taking that once upon time friendship for granted. Despite all that, hats off to you for trying to express your feelings. At least this time, you spoke… three or four years late, but still. It is the efforts that count. Right? Again I’m being sarcastic. Excuse my cynicism.
I’m the same overly forgiving person you knew… but I would like to reserve this time's chance for myself. Direct my affection to more worthy friends and perhaps a more exhilarating romance. This decision does not mean I’m cutting you off. I wouldn’t dream of it. I will still congratulate you all on every task you accomplish, and on every miracle delivered your way. I will write to you on your birthdays. For heaven's sake, I still know your parent’s home phone number by heart.
I reckon some might think my way of handling life is extreme and I might end up on my own. With that being said, I present to you my silver lining in life which granted me better sleep nights and you are more than welcomed to quote me on this one. I would rather be buried among strangers than be buried among people I wish they were strangers.
Thank you though for everything. For all the times you have made me feel as if I was a burden on you, thank you for not listening to me, and most importantly thank you for not being my shoulder to cry on. Till today's date, I'm not sure how did I miss the fact that your absence is way more civilized than your presence?
Nevertheless, I still wish the lots of you all the best this life could offer, and I hope you accept this free piece of advice. Do not repeat history. Do not let go of your current loved ones for the sake of someone else. Do not consider my defiance a challenge for you to surmount. Evolve sweetheart and move on with your grand life.
XOXO but sincerely not yours,