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Moonkissed Bruises
And I know how predominant it is for you to have the upper hand, but she won't be the one to supply you with this preposterous demand. You should have never permitted your pride to blind your sight. Yes, a tale as old as time. You were wrong, and she was right. Don’t you realize you were the toxic one? Honey, You tried to dim the Sun. You have confused self-love with selfishness. What was your aim? What was your game? Well, all your efforts went in vain. You have lost the gain.
I’m dying to know, how does it feel being caged in your own skin? Do you release your grieves every now and then? Do you ever get tired of pretending? Your soul is descending. Do you set your cries free? Reveal your mourns and all of the cupids shall disagree. Do you dismiss the tears of losing her on your way back to your house? Will you commit to this routine regardless of your future spouse? Do flashbacks play before your eyes whenever you hit the road? Oh dearie, pay no attention to them, keep your eyes on the road. How do you get over your aches? How do you cover up your breaks? Do your wounds bleed under the shower? Does the self loathe last over an hour? Do you plead her memories to flee? Or do you whisper them to the sea? Is she a resident in the back of your head? Or does she still take the lead? Do you feel her warmth under the sunlight? Do your bruises materialize under the moonlight?
How come you moved out though? Were you sick of the same old show? Was her city too much for you? Was the truth too tough on you? Do you not have what it takes to confront a life without her ignites? Since then, you have been picking up senseless fights. Do you think being alone in your state of mind is safe? She didn't feel safe with you at your best. Is this your version of moving on? You are not doing a good job, but I will let you in on a secret. You are her everyday battle. She can't begin to ignore you let alone forget you. You are present in every corner, and she dives into every memory. Getting over you is a poetic process. She misses your insecurities. She misses filling your cup. She misses building the both of you. Why did you have to obey your demons’ mumbles? Is the devil proud of your stumbles? Why do men set on degrading women while women work on upgrading men? Wasn’t she the main prayer of your Amen?
I believe you were under the false impression that she would submit… to you. You see ruined expectations. She sees mishandled opportunities. Did you honestly believe your walls were tougher than hers? She was never yours to be claimed. She can't allow you to cross that line. Not that it mattered, you lacked spine. Don’t hold your breath. It won’t happen. She is disappointed...in you. She never asked for a compromise, and you had the audacity to demand the biggest compromise of all. Her obedience. She is a Queen, and Queens speak up. She will always express what she does not appreciate and she will not open up her gates. You are the one who is supposed to do the work and fix your traits. You don't deserve her patience. She got arrows set at an alarm's notice and what do you know? She issued the death blow, even though her heart was in the way. She didn't budge. She figured adding more pain to your inflicted pain wouldn’t make any difference. She trained her soul to evolve despite the hurt. “Everything triggers her growth.” After all, she takes after the sun. She is blessed. She never runs from the rising wave. She dives right in. So If I were you, I would take this personally. I would take it to my very core. You never cheated. You probably lied a bit, but that was never the point. She didn’t mind your shortcomings. She loves you yet she won’t choose you.
She is refusing your best. Take this: Your best is someone else’s worst. So stop with the manifesting. Stop sending the universe mixed unresolved vibrations. There is no second chance for you. Don’t you get it dear? If she grants you a second chance, she is taking away someone’s first chance.
Care to guess her everyday prayer is “May you never find a love like mine and may I never accept a love like yours.”
Amen to that.
-XOXO,
Samar Mirghani
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