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Soothing Desolation


To what do we owe the pleasure? To our abrupt beating heart or our incoherent train of thoughts?

Can we think back to the moment that started this roam of seeking? What led us to crave the unreachable? The sensational clash that induced us to decide This is not enough!Can we distinguish what we are endeavoring? Would someone be kind enough and remind us “What is our endgame?” or at the very least can someone ensure whether happiness will be scored? Whether satisfaction will be secured?

Sometimes, I like to think forward to the night when I have it all. Sitting in my daughter’s bedroom watching her dream of all the eventualities. Like mother, like daughter. Will I shed a tear of joy then? Will I have the competence to luxuriate in the life I have fought for? Intact morals, unconditional love, overwhelming success, gratified family, and still friends with my chosen family.

Or could I be one of those who are condemned with the half-empty cup view? Is it possible that I only find comfort in the desolate? After all, I have unintentionally accustomed my mentality to never be pleased with the current status. My entire life, I have followed the belief “I live to seek”. Losing my breath stressfully chasing that floating paper ignorant of its content. Will the necessity to acquire it all be ever fulfilled?

From this day on, I pledge to wallow my days. From the drown to the surface. To the drown again. Escalate my essence. Throw it all in my path. The hellos, the blizzards, the burning light, the bottomless blue, the heartbreaks, and the goodbyes. I will cherish them all. I adore the void for it revealed all the likelihoods I now call my life. Hope never came from happiness, my missing parts conveyed the magic.

Do you see where I’m leading you into? Do you feel the atmosphere changing? Do you get it yet? Darkness is your ally. It urges you to shine.


الحمد لله، اللهم ادمها نعمة.

Translation: Praise be to god. Oh Allah, keep it a blessing!

Eternal love and support,

-Samar Mirghani

 

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