Things One Should Not Do After A Breakup!

We all want someone in our life to love us, we all want a happy romantic relationship, we always desire to have that one person in our life who can pamper us, take care of us and stand at the back as a support system. In reality, when we get such a person in our life, we tend to totally fall for that person, we get so much emotionally dependent on that person that when that person leaves our life due to any reason, we totally shatter. This situation when we are shattered , we are broken is known as Breakup. Breakups are the most ugly phrases of life in which we feel depressed, sad, often after a breakup a person gets very disturbed and becomes direction-less because he/she is so much emotionally invested in his/her partner that he/she tends to do certain mistakes which he/she should not do otherwise. So in this blog, I will try to elaborate about some mistakes which a good person tends to do after a breakup.

1. The Feeling Of Why Me!

Right after a breakup, what we do is that we start questioning to God that why am I chosen to fall in this dark situation. After a breakup we start thinking that 'why' is this happening with me only! Well this feeling of 'why me' is the first reaction of any person who falls in this situation, and it is wrong because this feeling of why me leads us towards self-pity.

And Self-pity is easily the most destructive of non-pharmaceutical narcotics. It's addiction gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality. Always remember that feeling sorry for yourself and your present condition is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have. Instead of watering this feeling of 'why me' in your mind, you should know that God breaks you so that he can shape you for a better future. Always remember, God has beautified every broken thing in this universe. For example; a broken seed makes a tree, clouds break to form a lovely rain, so whenever you fall in such a situation always remember that God has planned something big and better for you .

2. Blaming Yourself

Another mistake which people used do after a breakup is that they start blaming themselves for everything that happened and this generates the feeling of guilt in them, which further leads to permanent sadness and depression. Blaming yourself is not the solution, for clapping we require both our hands, similarly, both the people are responsible for the situation that happened. I agree one can be more and less responsible, but efforts are required from both the sides for an action (breakup) to happen. So this feeling of guilt is useless and blaming yourself is simply a waste of time.

Instead of blaming yourself try to move on in your life, try to make good use of this situation of breakup, maybe breakup is the best thing that happened which you will not realize just after a breakup; but after a period of time you will realize this. See "everything happens for a reason," so if something not favorable to your comfort zone is happening with you, something good will come out of for sure! The only thing you need to do is don't stop believing in good and don't stop your karma.

3. Chasing Your Partner!

Another prominent mistake which most people do after a breakup is that they start chasing/ stalking their partners which is not at all cool, because first of all chasing your partner is directly proportional to your value and importance, the more you chase your partner, the less value you get and vice versa; second of all you should always take care of your self-respect! Here Law of Attraction works. According to it, when two people are in a relationship, then they are tightly emotionally attached to each other with the thread of love, if that thread is strong, then the other person is forced to come to you no matter how ugly fight you both had with each other. And in case if the thread breaks, then don't get sad and deep down realize that, that person was not made for you, he/she came in your life to give you hardcore experiences of life and to make you you more mature and strong. Always remember- "if it is mend to be, it will be no matter what!" Chasing is not a solution. Instead of chasing, use that time in making yourself a better person so that, that person is forced to come back to you or regrets to leave you.

4. Suicidal tendencies!

One big reason why people committee suicide is the failure of relationships. Escaping a particular situation, is not the solution of the problem. No problem is bigger than your own life. Let me explain you the whole phenomenon. Whenever breakup or any other problem comes in our path of life, we think that the problem is so big that we can not handle it but in such a situation you should always see the problem from the prospective of a third person, because when you see the problem from the prospective of a third person, then you don't focus on the problem but you focus on the solution of the problem. Suicide according to me, is a selfish decision because with your life a lot other lives are linked, a lot of people attached with you, who will be affected by your absence. So, when thoughts like suicide comes in your mind, go and talk, consult a counselor. At times we are not able to find the solutions of our problems, so in this situation we must give chance to others to help, because every problem has a solution which also takes birth with the problem and what you need to do is to find one .

5. Get Distracted!

Another common mistakes which people use to do after a breakups is that they get distracted and they totally become direction-less. Distraction is obvious after a break up, but it should be temporary after a breakup, there is an immense energy in our body, now it depends upon us that how we use this energy, in a positive way or in a negative way. If you use this energy in a positive way then it will help you gather the broken pieces of your heart, and if you use this energy in a negative way then it can ruin you to the core .

6. Torturing Yourself!

Mostly what teenagers do after a breakup is that they start torturing themselves not only mentally but also physically, they start giving themselves pain by cutting their hands and nerves which is absolutely wrong. Nothing will change if you give yourself pain, learn to prioritize yourself, learn to give yourself love and care. Start following the concept of Self Love which is very important, because mostly people start feeling worthless after a breakup and eventually they start treating themselves like a shit without realizing it . But one should not do this and they should start loving themselves first because always remember you are important.

I think genuinely breakup really is the time when you can start focusing on yourself. That relationship which didn't worked out drained so much of your energy, it took so much of your focus, you'd put your work aside, you'd put your friends aside and so often we end up losing ourselves in our relationship. I think these breakups are the time when you are really find yourself again. I think you need to take a moment, take a step back, press pause, reflect and use this as a period in your life where you can reinvest in your own happiness, your own fulfillment. Ask yourself questions like - What are you passionate about? What am I excited about? What is it that really fuels and drives me? And when you start there you'll find that you won't be looking for someone else to fuel those gaps.

So these were some random mistakes which mostly people do after a breakup, they get depressed which they should avoid. Instead of getting depressed, they should focus on the bigger picture, on one side if breakups are the most ugly phrases of life then on the other side, a breakup is the best teacher, as it teaches you a lot of lessons which will stay with you forever, and there is nothing wrong if you are broken because "every set-back is the synonym of the set-up!" Difficulties are common in everyone's life, now the choice is yours what you want to become a coal or a diamond! Every successful man was once broken so breakups doesn't means that everything is over, but a breakup means a new, better and strong start because "the comebacks are always stronger than the start-up." One last advice which I want to give you is that "never become the slave of your own emotions. Be strong and get ready to rock the world and stop expecting from others to love you because you are more than enough for yourself!"

"It's not about being with someone who makes you happy, it's about being someone who makes you happy!"

-Suhani Shukla

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