-By Shreyash Sharma
As the year approached its end, it evoked in me similar sentiments which arouse when the sun hands over the day to dusk. This ephemeral transition is prolonged enough for you to recollect each and every moment you’ve lived throughout this year, which seemed so long when it began and so brief as we conclude it. Unconsciously, all those lived experiences come out from the deepest graves of our memory leaving us in the middle of conflicting emotions. All those thunderstorms and monsoon showers which took us back to our childhood, those mellifluous melodies which made us dance in solitude, those teary eyes while watching emotional scenes we could relate to, those warm hugs and cuddles which were our comfort zone to forget all the reality, those moments of bidding adieu to our loved ones who are almost a part of us before embarking on uncertain journeys, those heart-rending moments of breakdown in absolute loneliness, those moments of emotional outpour to someone who understands us, those importunities to regain our lost spirit, that euphoria of self-discovery, that sigh of relief when we attain peace amidst the chaos, and finally a realization that this is life.
When I think about this year, it’s been a perfect roller coaster ride. While we’re on a roller coaster ride, going up and down bizarrely, we shout, cry, laugh all at the same time, and only after the ride is over, we realize how much fun it was. Likewise, when this year is saying a final goodbye, I’m realizing how ridiculously amusing it has been! A strange dish that has a precisely accurate amount of every ingredient. You know I read it somewhere that we’re extremely weird phenomena. Initially, we expect every event in life to happen that way we want, however, if it doesn't go the way we desire, we sob and complain, but eventually appreciate that it didn’t happen like that and life unfolded the way it was meant to be. This appropriately captures the essence of how I’ve experienced this year. When I came back home from Hong Kong towards the end of January, I was dejected, disillusioned, and traumatized. I had no clue how I reached such a fragile mental state. I still remember when my Dad received me at the airport on that cold wintery morning, I was entirely numb, not able to express anything at that point of time. The gloomy gray fog hung around in the city resembled all those doubts, anxious thoughts, and apprehensions that obscured my thinking and clarity. However, as they say, time is the best healer. As time progressed, that discomforting experience started to seem like a thing of the past, being pushed behind in my memory impressions (also because I just wanted to forget all of that as soon as I could). I got indulged in ordinary chores with my family who also wanted to see me normal. The most beautiful thing about them is their innocence and a connection they have with you. No matter how much you try to keep things within you, and not try to express your emotions, your family can make that out from even a slightest change in your behavior. I tried my best to keep it veiled from them. However, they sensed that something was not right and planned to disconnect me from the mainstream events in my life for sometime. We went on a month-long holiday to a very remote town in Madhya Pradesh, where my father was also posted, far from the commotion of the city, truly disconnected from the stuff which used to dissolve me in self-loath. I felt calm, detoxed and distant from the things which consumed me, and realized that they share such a small portion, and that my life is so much larger! It has been one of the most beautiful months of my life!
I have no idea why, but this year has been a year of contentment, fulfillment, and a gratitude both towards good and not so good instances. All that discontentment, restlessness, and bewilderment kind of evaporated and a drizzle of self-love and gratification replenished my soul! This year has been the only phase in my life when an outpour of tears solaced me more than anything else. They have taught me how beautiful the process of letting go and untwining emotional baggage can be. When I sat to journal today, and started processing 2022, it proved to be a year of infinite wisdom, a phase which made several indelible impressions on my perception, and a journey where I had multiple encounters with unknown facets of my own personality! Chaplins words “life is tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot” never seemed this appropriate. Another wisdom I learnt, which I find priceless, is that we need to find the perfect euphony between zooming in and zooming out in our life. Sometimes, we get so entangled and lost in the narrow picture that we miss the whole point of it. Whereas, on other days, we might not find that comfort in the bigger picture which we do in something seemingly insignificant. Therefore, it’s essential to learn to choose the right lens when reflecting on our lives. With a heart dissolved in love and cheerfulness, wish you a very Happy New Year!
"As I look forward to the future, I feel prepared, free from all those strings which held me back, and ready with a fresh outlook. When I now gaze at the sky, I see a realm of optimism and limitless possibilities!"
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