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You Get Over The People But The Trauma Stays!
You know people often say, "forgive and forget" but no one tells you how! This "forgiving and forgetting" comes from within and you never really learn to let it go, you just get 'used' to it. And when you get used to it, you carry that trauma with you until you find someone who holds your hand and brings you out of the darkness of that trauma. Remember "forgiving people takes strength" but forgetting what they did to you is the toughest, because at some point they are the ones who make you regret your decision of 'forgiving.' Actually, you forgive some people not because you really want to forgive and forget but it's the person who matters to you in your life.
But what happens with the trauma you went through? You carry it over your shoulders and in your brain every time. Traumas make you miserable when it's given by a loved one. You stop caring about yourself when this happens. Even I've been driven to such trauma! I would drag myself to a new low everyday. It took me weeks before I started taking care of myself, before I got better. But I never really got over the trauma! Now when someone tells me something sweet, I'm left wondering if they really mean it. Now I no longer trust people. I got over you- but I don't think I got over the pain. How could I? You were the person who gave me everything and then took it all back.
When we first started talking, I told you, "I don't want to get hurt" and you replied saying, "I'm not going to hurt you ever." I should've stopped that very moment. You were very good to be true but I've been a chaser of big gestures and words so I allowed myself to fall for you. You came into my life with your grand words and kinder actions - you adored me and took care of me. Never had I been adored by anyone the way you did. When I got used to your presence, you left, taking all that love and care with you, leaving me with insecurities. And this is how this all transformed into a trauma for me. I wish you knew what you did to me- you filled me with self-doubt and made me constantly wonder if there's something wrong with me? I may have been over you but i couldn't find it in my heart to trust someone, again.
-Vaishnavi Bajpai
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